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Story Archives: Movies...
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Movies...
It's been a while since I've had a movie column lately. Obviously no one has missed it. That's OK. I hope your next barrel of popcorn is stale (yeah right, like that's going to be fresh anyway) and your keg of Coke makes you miss half the movie.
Actually this year's movies have been about as good as the Southeastern Conference in football this year.
You have Christian Bale and Vince Vaughn, but after that you have a lot of Bradley Dale Peveto and Doug Mallory. I don't have the heart to pick on Jarrett Lee and Curtis Taylor anymore. By the end of last season Jarrett must have felt like a mailman dropping off letters at an animal shelter.
Actually I didn't realize how bad a year it's been for movies until I looked up a list of the top 100. Bevery Hills Chihuahua is No. 21 for the year, for goodness sakes.
So I know you need the real lowdown of what these movies are about.
Of course, the biggest seller was Batman, The Dark Knight. It's about a sinister athlete. Still trying to figure out who is going to star in the remake. Possibilities are Plexico Burress, Terrell Owens, Stephen Marbury and Manny Ramirez.
Four Christmases - This is a story about what it's going to be like if the New Orleans Saints ever get to the Super Bowl.
Twilight - This was first named Run to Twilight, an adaption of the book Run to Daylight. It's about the career to O.J. Simpson and the only time he know gets outdoors.
Quantum of Solace - First of all, why do you name a movie Quantum of Solace. Obviously the Cable Guy or Jim Carey is not starring in this one.
Changeling
- The story of college football coaches.
The Secret Life of Bees
- The story of the New Orleans Saints quarterback. Oh, sorry, I thought that said Brees.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
- A documentary on the newest analyst on ESPN. Hey, can't be any worse than Lou Holtz or Shannon Sharpe.
Eagle Eye - Not sure but I can tell you it's not a documentary on SEC referees.
I've Loved You So Long
- The story of the love affair between Auburn University and Tommy Tuberville before Nick Saban came along.
Let the Right One In - Auburn fans will tell you this is not about their football coach. This is actually the story of how the BCS finally goes to a playoff system.
Righteous Kill - Moviegoers finally get enough of not being able to hear the dialogue because of the soundtrack music being so loud and hunt down the producers.
Burn After Reading
- NCAA officials receive an investigative report on wrongdoings at Southern California.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley - Poor Molly gets drafted by the Saints.
Journey to the Center of the Earth
- Tiger Woods returns after surgery and golf officials search for his first drive of the season.
Iron Man - The story of Joe Paterno. Any coach who stays at the same college for the number of years this guy has been in Happy Valley deserves a movie.
Sex and the City - An autobiography of Wilt Chamberlain.
Mamma Mia! This is the story of Tim Tebow deciding to enter the NFL Draft and his reaction after being drafted by the Detroit Lions.
Get Smart - Les Miles does not say anything about Alabama during recruiting day and Ricky-Jean Francois does not say anything at all.
Leathernecks -The story of the last time the Detroit Lions had a winning season.
10,000 BC - The story of the last time the Chicago Cubs were in the World Series.
Fool's Gold - Following the path of any baseball superstar who signed with the Steinbrenners.
Role Models - Charles Barkley narrates this documentary of sports stars. Actually never made it off the cutting room floor.
Bedtime Stories - The search for the new Auburn coach. If the final result doesn't put you to sleep, just wait.
Yes - The story of the New York Jets front office after Brett Favre asked if they needed a quarterback.
Speed Racer - Dancing with the Stars gets a new title going to the big screen and the guest stars for this big screen production are Michael Johnson, Mary Decker Slaney, Bob Hayes, Florence Griffith-Joyner, Trindon Holiday (just hope he doesn't have to catch his partner), Jeff Demps, Torri Edwards and Rocket Ismail. Don't leave for popcorn for this one, it's running time is 20 minutes.
And finally, The Day the Earth Stood Still - The Tennessee Titans defeat the Dallas Cowboys 30-0 in the Super Bowl and Terrell Owens doesn't blame anybody on his team. |
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